Unrecorded Last Times

One of the night time feedings soon after Noah was born, I read a great article.

(I would properly cite or link the article if I remembered where I read it!)

I read a lot of articles or tidbits of advice while nursing. I would always utilize my phone to help pass the time while nursing, until this.

Have you noticed that baby books encourage us to record & remember all the details of our baby’s “firsts” but we don’t record their “lasts”?

The first time a child does something is easy to notice. You probably have a mental picture of the first time they rolled over.

Sat up.

Crawled.

Fed themselves.

Walked.

Talked.

Waved bye-bye.

Said I love you.

However, you don’t know when they will do something for the last time.

The last time they decide to wake at 3 am to nurse you may just notice that it was the first night of uninterrupted sleep.

But, did you take a mental picture of that last middle of the night nursing session?

Do you remember if it was a rainy night? Warm weather? The look in their face? How you felt?

More than likely, you didn’t know it was the last time. So you may not have been fully engaged but pinned 15 new pins on Pinterest…..that you’ll never do.

Some “last times” aren’t that sentimental. Yet some really are what makes being a mom special.

Like the last time they want to be held all day.

Snuggle to fall asleep.

Hold your hand to walk.

You put them to bed.

You read them a book now that they can read.

They’ll kiss you in public….

I don’t even know all the “first times” & “last times” that are left in our future.

I just know that I don’t want to miss enjoying the “last time” because I’m too caught up in looking for “first times”.

Bed time now consists of nursing, reading a couple of books, and snuggling until he gets tired. If I try to rush and just put him in bed he screams. Not just cries but screams. Or he’ll hold on super tight to my arms and lie his head on my shoulder.

Snuggling is the new ritual because prying my son off of me and leaving him to scream is not something I’m willing to do.

Noah’s pretty much in charge of the length of this ritual. I have accepted this as a phase. He won’t always want to go to bed like this. Even now, some nights he goes straight to bed after nursing.

However, I don’t know how many more snuggle-until-tired nights there are left in our future so I’m cherishing them now.

I try to ignore my desire of Facebook, Candy Crush Saga, or even reading while we snuggle.

I want to be not only physically but mentally present as I don’t know if tomorrow night will be a “last time”.